✦ My Experience As A Non-Human ✦

As promised, I would like to write up on my experience being nonhuman myself! I've been very open about this fact about myself since I came to the realization in 2022, and will continue to be open about it for however long I feel is appropriate. This page is gonna be pretty damn long and is pretty text-heavy, so prepare for blinkies and stamps to stop showing up at a certain point.

I'd like to first and foremost establish the details of my NH identity: I've identified as Non-Human since 2022, and as for what I am specifically, I'm Otherkin, specifically Demonkin and FallenAngelkin. In layman's terms, I'm a demon and fallen angel. Shocker, I know, and I understand if you're offput by my demonic nature. However, I do not associate with Satanic beliefs or imagery, instead preferring sparkles, rainbows, and universalist beliefs. (Jesus honestly had the better teachings most of the time, but I'm not Christian either.) Enough about that, though, I'd like to get into the full details of my discovery journey.

✦ Childhood and Early Signs ✦

Now, I've experienced thoughts, sensations, and more since my early childhood, even as far back as the late 2000s and early 2010s (or what little I remember of it.) My autism has influenced a lot of my identity for as long as I can remember, and I have never once given a shit about societal expectations. The earliest phantom sensation I remember feeling happened at around 3 or 4, when I felt a tail on myself. Now, I never really liked the idea of being human, and oftentimes, I would express that through art. This image I created around 2013 encapsulates it well!

Now, I had a pretty terrible home life up until around 2018, which I won't get into, but this honestly influenced a lot of my wishes to break free and transform into something else. Day in and day out, I would always think of myself other than human, longing to leave this human life behind and live out what I truly was meant to. Sometimes, it would be fictional characters, other times mermaids, angels, foxes, angel foxes, etc,. At certain points, I was pleading to God for wings. Never once did I truly ever feel human in my childhood.

✦ Teenhood and Young-Adulthood ✦

I'm going to say it now: My teen years were a wreck. Honestly, my feelings continued into my teen years, and after multiple consecutive traumatic events, I just kind of- broke. However, I was well into the Everskies scene at this time, and as I looked deeper into ES culture, I felt more and more drawn to the NH label. I decided I would try it for a few days and see what happens, and not only did it stick like glue, but I also found out immediately I was a demon. I was fluid between a few secondary species and ranks for a while before I finally settled on the fact that I was what I am now. Honestly, pretty much everything lines up and always have!

✦ Answering My Own Research Questions ✦

_{"When did you first discover your nonhumanity? When did you discover the Everskies NH community? Did you find the NH community after your initial discovery, or did the community help you in discovering your identity?"}
✦ I discovered my nonhumanity in 2022 as a result of the Everskies NH community and my interest in it. The Everskies community directly contributed to my discovery of alterhumanity and gave me the lexicon necessary to express what I had already felt for over a decade.

_{"What was the general atmosphere both in and outside of the Non-Human community like when you initially joined? When and how did it evolve to the best of your memory?"}
✦ It was pretty discourse-heavy and anti-recovery still when I joined, and I saw and kind of influenced things to become much more calmer, open, and pro-recovery.

_{"Have other areas of marginalization (i.e., queerness, race, disability, etc.) affected your NH identity in any way? If so, how?"}
✦ Being autistic has influenced my nonhumanity in A LOT of ways, and I'd like to lend credence to my queerness, particularly xenogenders and neopronouns, for helping me be more open to the idea!!!

_{"Did you have a tight-knit group, or were you all over the Everskies community at the time? What was your demeanor and relationship like towards humans compared to other non-humans?"}
✦ I tried running an NH groupchat at one point byt that fell apart after a while. I was essentially one of the main figures in the NH community for a good while so I was all over the place. I never had any ill will towards humans, and honestly, I've always been fascinated by 'em.

_{"What was the quality of the educational resources pertaining to Non-Humans like back then compared to now?"}
✦ The lack of quality surrounding the resources when I joined was enough for me to make an entirely new resource of my own, does that count?

_{"How long did you stay in the community? Do you still consider yourself to be alterhuman to this day? If not, why? If so, how has the community changed over the years?"}
✦ Judging by the existence of this webpage, I'm still NH! It's honestly beautiful to see how the community has changed over the years with different events, influences, and more!

_{"What are some things you wish would have been different back then? Have those changes come at any time after you left and returned?"}
✦ I just wish I wasn't so arrogant. My arrogance was one of the main things holding me back, and it's gotten me blocked quite a bit.

_{"Is there anything in particular you remember and would like to share?"}
✦ I will get into that in the NH history project.